You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you inspire me to be a worse person
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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