life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
