Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
