these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
