Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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