You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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