i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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