OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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