so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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