i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
