We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
