OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
