and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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