You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
