Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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