and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
