oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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