Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
