The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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