last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
