a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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