i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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