birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
