They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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