How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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