I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize