remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
