Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
