I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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