All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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