just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
this beer tastes like vomit already
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
