He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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