I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
