I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
