Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
