So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
