I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
