Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My life is pants optional.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
