In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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