My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think people are normalizing furries
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize