i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
