If that was your dad, he is hot
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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