you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
