I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
