I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I hate all girls vehemently.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
