How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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