God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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