remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
