He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
