I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
