happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
