I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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