All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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