my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have already put on my inside pants.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
