a queef is a wish your heart makes.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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