Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
