i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
