I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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