Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
