Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
