some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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