I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
