you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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