Is it normal to miss your booty call?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
