i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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