I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
