i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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