So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
