he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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